Thursday, August 30, 2007

Blue Balls

Daphne and I are the proud owners of a pair of blue balls.
Yup. I said it. Blue balls.

Gayle says: btw, i'm sitting on my ball

Daphne says: show aaron ur ball...bounce him around on it....haha...

Gayle says: hahaha

Gayle says: he can come over lah, i lazy

Gayle says: and i need to shit

Daphne says: hahah...lazy ass...

Daphne says: bounce some more and ur shit will be bouncing around too....

Gayle says: cause it's a yardless day, conga line too good day!

Daphne says: macchiatos are not good for you

Gayle says: that's what sylvia says too
Gayle says: everyone picks on me
Gayle says: i get no love


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Conk a Collie

Girly maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

(Chiru runs at the girl)
(Dance break)

Woot, I'm coming!
Mutton goes yay!
Cook the chicano's day
Mucho caliente
I'll eat wasabe* on my dude!
All my body just got ruled
Kinda like a fist on road
One more body for your car
Oooo! Oooo! Papa's restaurant
Ooooooooooooooo you'll be pumping Ovaltine
Or Salty Shanty's One-Shot Tea

(Chiru creeps up behind the girl)
Roll, jam, belching, raving son
Mork* and bull and mumued* star

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Vocoder: Please don't buy the bald seal
(Dance break)

Chiru: Move them, Connie
Let me go yay
'Cause it's a yardless day
Conga line too, good day!
Salad is a cargo you could do
Chet's my buddy, Chester Rowe
Called him at the coaster room
Smashing all the people up
It's the child no parka rule
Ooooo laddie, ready, bite your knee
Ooooo conk a collie, conquer he!

(Chiru emerges from the bushes in smoke)
Deal them, peel them, people look shocked
Move, too, then you got private shower

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley* man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Man, man, man, man, man

(Girl screams)

*blink* I didn't make this up. Click me for the music video.

Advanced Riding Skill Level 10

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:16:14 AM)
Baby Rodeo (see also "Buckin' Bronco", "Butt Rodeo", "Fat Chick Rodeo", "Rodeo Clown", "Rodeo Sex") - (for the ladies) When riding your partner who's about to blow his load, give some good pounding strokes. When he's at the point of no return, scream out 'Let's make a baby!'. See how long you can hold on, while he tries to throw you off of his erupting cock. One night stands should only be considered for the more advanced rider.

Gayle says: (3:16:40 AM)

Gayle says: (3:16:42 AM)

Gayle says: (3:16:44 AM)

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:05 AM)

Gayle says: (3:17:15 AM)
hahah bloody hell

Gayle says: (3:17:18 AM)

Gayle says: (3:17:24 AM)

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:29 AM)
o hell yeah :D

Monday, August 27, 2007

Crash Test Dummy

It all began with a toothache halfway through a dull Friday afternoon. Popping by the pharmacist for a quick fix so that I could concentrate on work for the rest of the afternoon... turned out to be a mistake.

A mistake that swelled completely out of proportion within half an hour of consuming the painkiller and anti-swelling combination prescribed over the counter. As it turns out, I am in fact allergic to the painkiller Ibrufen.

[space saved for picture - coming soon]

Aaron who swiftly ran down to the pharmacy for advice returned saying, "They said sucks to be you. You're allergic. Wait for it to go down." Grrrreat.

So a trip to the family clinic that evening, an injection and a good scold from the family doctor later - and I was passed out on a pink fluffy cloud of chemical induced bliss for the rest of that Friday right through to.... well, Sunday. By which time I looked almost human again and was able to wean myself off the anti-allergy medications.

But then my toothache, which still had not been remedied, began to fill my world with blinding rainbow-coloured pinpricks of pain.

Monday saw me at the dentist's office where good old Dr Eng pronounced me to be too full of wisdom. So to prevent me from becoming unacceptable to my peers *snigger*, proceeded to extract it from my lower right jaw.
A surgical procedure was called for because my wisdom was apparently quite attached to me and stubbornly refused to cooperate with the good doctor.

I would now like to apologise to Dr Eng for mistakenly grabbing his crotch instead of the armrest when he jabbed my puss-filled gums with a needle and enquired ever politely, "pain ah?"

*cough* I think I answered his question rather eloquently without having to utter a sound.

Fast forward 2 hours. With gauze in my mouth, a sick leave certificate for 3 days and another pile of medication in my hand, I was able to stagger to the office for a quick-stop before heading home.

"Oh my god, Mike Tyson!" laughed my brother when he saw me waltzing in like a common punched-up drunk with an incredibly swollen jaw. Needless to say, for the rest of that week, Ian (my older brother by 10 years I should add) would suffer sudden bouts of Tourettes in my presence.

His symptoms included a physical tic which I fondly call his 'spasm-dance' along with a vocal tic that sounded like... "---- Tysen --- Taisen---- Tyson!"

When the doctor insisted that I would really need those 3 days of sick leave, I didn't quite believe him. I ended up taking about 5 days to recover because:

a) The pain was unbelievable on Tuesday & Wednesday. I was popping Voltaren (a superbly strong painkiller), Ponstan (yet another pain killer lasting only 6 hours) and Antibiotics. And when these chemicals were in my bloodstream, I could actually enjoy a few hours of normalcy in the day before I became engulfed by a feeling of dulled exhaustion and the onset of renewed aching.

b) For the night time, half a sleeping tablet ensured a night undisturbed by pain. But completely disturbed by vivid dreams. And an incredible, unexplainable... 'impulse'.

And by the following morning I'd resemble something close to a romping zombie (yeah, romping - not rampaging).

c) By Thursday, my stomach had turned upside down from all the chemicals and incredible nausea had set in along with short bouts of feeling blue.

d) By Friday, I had taken the last round of medication and was looking forward to a drug free weekend. I even felt well enough to paint the town red that night knowing I'd have a commitment free weekend to relax. And the evening was thoroughly enjoyable, marred only by a short period of self-pity that set in after supper. I distinctly remember saying to Daphne in the car, "I wanted to have a girl-talk with you because I really thought it would help me cry and get over it... but I just can't seem to relinquish the control to do it." Bah.

Then on Saturday, while settling in to relax for the weekend, I get a call that Mum's in the hospital emergency unit and Ian's coming to get me. Oh my god. Did not help that nagging fears regarding my parents' advancing age and the fickleness of life were all part of the depressing thoughts that consumed me in my depressive state during the week. I was calm though, self-control ever present & focusing only on what was to be done next.

In the emergency room, Mum seemed to be better and all didn't seem as bad as we thought. I cracked a few jokes with her to cheer her up while we waited. She got admitted for observation and further tests overnight. My brother and sis-in-law left for a prior pressing commitment & I remained with Dad handling minor details like buying toothpaste and magazines. I drove my father home to rest, have dinner and to put together an overnight bag for Mum before having to return to the hospital to deliver it.

I took to my bed for a short nap.
And suddenly, turned into a raving, blithering, weeping idiot.

I began texting friends, making calls. I was trying to find someone who'd be a reassuring & diverting presence on the other end of the phone (and someone who wouldn't be judgmental and think I was a raving loony to boot). The last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts cause I know where that road leads.

Kanineh! Thanks Aaron for being more interested in your dinner than in my distress. "Damn, girl, you gotta get off those painkillers lah" was not particularly helpful. But grudgingly I admit, hilarious in hindsight. Hehe.

And Thank God, I finally found relief with Ravin. Thanks buddy for chatting with me. You joked me out of my ill-humour faster than any therapist could have psycho-analysed me off his couch, and faster than I would have done myself if I'd been left alone to just think.

As it turns out, my week-long chemical romance granted my wish for emotional release.

Crash Test Dummy meet Wall of Unexplicable Emotion. Bam!

Now, just a day later & after plenty of water to cleanse my system, with all traces of extreme emotions having dissolved like so much candy floss... I look back on the past week and marvel at modern medicine. I also seem to have regained just enough eloquence to look back on the past week and utter, "imagine that."

Monday, August 13, 2007

Coming Soon...

There was conversation...

Daphne: "Hey Babe, dunnolah... My Ass Hurts."

*pregnant silence*
*a sudden moment of understanding comes to be*

Aaron: "Damnnnnnn, nigger damnnn!"
Gayle: "Ohmygod babe, please spare us the details."

Daphne: "No no no no no no, that's not what I mean lah. I mean my ass hurts....

but from the back."

Aaron: *confused* "Okay! And my ass hurts from the side."
*sings* "To the left, to the left"


There was singing...

Shah, Shah, Shasputin
Lover of a Goblok Queen...
lalalala, lalala, lala... love machine..


There is evidence...

All this and more...
in the Chronicles of the Goblok Roadtrip
coming soon to a blog near you.

Monday, August 06, 2007


Meet the new breed of Transformers, dedicated to preserving all-you-can-eat buffets.
They are unique in that each one transforms into a Serani, except for Prime Ribs who is "turning Japanese."

Prime Ribs is the heroic leader of the Gobloktrons. She is the personification of courage, strength and determination when confronted with a seafood buffet. Her personal motto is, "Freedom to tuck in is the right of all sentient beings."

(with a silent h)

Hammer-hide is the toughest Gobloktron around. More than one Goblok has busted an O-ring just from seeing him lift a cheek. He sees himself as the cold, iron gut backing up Prime's inspiring meal invitations.

(short for Short-Azz)
Shazz picked his garish hue to match the colour of his one and only tie, which he thinks is the epitome of style. If there's one thing he digs about Earth, it's Blingdians.
His favourite Earthling phrases are, "You Poppadom Rascal" and "I got class."

As a Gobloktron spy, Bumblebee-stings is the worst robot emissary.
What she lacks in tact and diplomacy, she makes up for with massive gazungas.
She enjoys the company of her fellow Gobloks and would do anything for Crab Curry & Fried Mantau despite her allergies to seafood.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Shirley onna Velcro Wall

Once upon a time, in the land of Yahoo Messenger...

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: BABE!
Gayle Barbosa: babe
Gayle Barbosa: babeh
Gayle Barbosa: babahboobobowoot

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *squint*
Gayle Barbosa: where'd u go
Gayle Barbosa: *checks my pocket*
Gayle Barbosa: not there, hmmmm

*Shirley has logged in.*
*Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: OMG!
Gayle Barbosa: the bastards!
Gayle Barbosa: *faints*

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: I see you! I see you! I'm coming! DO NOT FEAR

* Shirley has logged out*
*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: *grabs onto you and defies the LAGMONSTERS TO TAKE YOU AWAY YET AGAIN*
Gayle Barbosa: ye will nae hae the pleasure of this maiden, ye foul FIENDS!

* Shirley has logged out*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *stab stab stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *chomps on lagmonster ankle*
Gayle Barbosa: gaaarrrrh nnngaaarrrrrrr aarrbbbbbbb

*Shirley has logged in.*


* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *crickets*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *begins to apply a velcro wall*
Gayle Barbosa: hang on babe, i've got an idea
Gayle Barbosa: *glue glue stick stick* VELCRO
Gayle Barbosa: yaaaarrrr
Gayle Barbosa: *wonders* now how do i get this velcro on her
Gayle Barbosa: *remembers something*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*


*Shirley has logged in.*


Gayle Barbosa: did it work? did it work? did it work?

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: darn it
Gayle Barbosa: *spots a flourescent mushroom*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *trots away mesmerized* oooh

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Friday, August 03, 2007



*stabs juana rempit*


"You have to buy the flower to take a bath" what my Art Director recommends, in broken English today. He suggests I do something about cleansing my run of ill luck. Of course, if you'd read my earlier post - I clearly INTENDED to have shitty things happen to me, and made choices that led to yesterday's events. Or, it was determined by GOD (at the time of the big bang) that I would get robbed of my valuables and the enjoyment of my Double Hot Fudge Sundae at the Green Lane McDonald's outlet on Wednesday the 2nd of August at 4.45pm

Either way, it sucked to be me.
It also sucked to be Aaron and Daphne who were sitting with me when it happened.

Poor Aaron getting kicked in the (I don't know where, hope it wasn't his nads) for his effort in trying to catch the dudes on the run. And boy did he run, fast and a far distance... halfway down the main road beside Penang Free School to be exact. All he got for his effort was a defiant middle finger.

Thanks Aaron for being such a bloody sport! Peeps, let me tell you about him. Aaron aka Capes didn't even think - running after the two Juans on their metallic maroon, Yamaha (we suspect) motorbike (Plate Number KCA 7073) was his immediate and instinctive reaction.

And if I didn't have reason enough to love my cousin to bits - that alone makes me want to will beloved Chigger to him when I die.
*Although really boy, if they'd had a knife and hurt you in any way I would've never forgiven either of us. But I still love you for knowing what might happen and doing it anyway.*

And thanks Daphne for bearing me company all the hours afterwards - taking me to the various police stations, making me laugh, doing the whole Malay-English translation thing with Sergeant Md Isa of Team B, who thankfully didn't try to flirt with you (unlike Sgt. Zulkifli was it?). My recently acquired Malay proficiency refresher course was no help in that time of stress. If only I had written an essay about exotic dancing, I would've known that 'riba' is the Malay word for lap.

Thanks also Daphne for pointing at me without hesitation when the Corporal asked if you were the Filipina, right after he'd grabbed that Bangla and thrown him in the lockup on suspicion of being an illegal immigrant. *squint*

And to Ian, who graciously guarded my car at McDonald's for a couple of hours despite a blinding pain in the ass (literally) - no words can describe my gratefulness at having you for my only brother. If I was ever given a chance to choose, I would choose you.

To Amran, who was my brother's relief on vehicular guard duty (cause he had to go lie down by this time) - thanks also for what must have been a boring few hours. And then for running around to get my spare keys for me. Thanks for being such a buddy!

To Edgar, who showed up and drove Aaron & Daphne back to their cars, "like bloody Tokyo drift, man" - thanks for helping out as always.

Thanks also for the concern & well wishes from the rest of you. It means a lot to me that you care. Especially Rommel, who just suggested I play a bit of NationStates for the express purpose of creating citizens, naming them Juans, and then oppressing the hell out of them. (Which is ironic cause Rommel is a juan, or semi-juan, or pseudo-juan... whatever)

As for me, I just hope that those dudes who rode away with about a thousand bucks of my cash, shoot up with enough crack to kill themselves so we can be rid of them finally - or that by some stroke of strange luck, that they choke on my super absorbant tampons.

I should also add, no thanks go out at ALL to the management of McDonald's who confessed that snatch theft happens at their outlet every week (indoor and outdoor), and so it really depends on whose luck it is to get hit - like a non-lottery. And as my luck should have it, hours after the crime... at exactly the same spot... a drink gets spilled all over me, my lighter refuses to work, Daphne's phone and mine start acting strangely... and we both go "hmmmm...". At which point, she suggests I drive home slowly and lie in bed without moving until the next day. And I thought, 'with my luck, I'd still probably get a leg cramp or something.'

PS: If you do happen to see a motorbike with the plates KCA 7073, please make sure it isn't an RXZ (or was it an EX5?) before you decide to ram it down. For I am almost certain that God's Will doesn't include an early death by accident for that poor Juan in Perlis whose plates got stolen.

Now if you will excuse me, my Godma passed away this morning. And I need to look into taking a flower bath.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

The Perfect Eyebrows

Clearly, I have no qualms about flaunting my gorgeousness publicly.