Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Tribute to the Brother Assassin

Bro. J. B. Blaikie

He's the Brother Assasin
So don't be messin'
Cos with his BFG
He'll play QUAKE 3

Nai Noj takes aim
And Nosaj is game
To shoot with glee
And shout, "GOLLY GEE..."

"Aihm sexy!!!"


All New Fun Links

Check out my all new funk links in the side bar...
For all you frustrated dudes and dudettes who have nothing else better
than to look at plastic, primary coloured notti toys and stuff.

Contest! Contest! Contest!

The cock and the pussy are like jigsaw puzzles.

So really, we can all relax. Because a girl who doesn't fit quite right (read: loose), may not have been the village bicycle. And guys... what is the perfect size? I mean, really! (Aaron: It's okay about the small webos, we understand).

Lesbian couples already know this, or at least, this lesbian couple does.

It's really about finding two pieces that match - like fitting the pieces of a puzzle together, be it a dick, a dildo, a chicken drumstick or a cucumber.

Sometimes the best match isn't even cock-like or pussy-like... as those of us who much prefer clitorial stimulation to penetration will attest.

Take a photo, submit it on this blog and WIN WIN WIN!!!!!!!!!

PS: For naughty 'novelties' and kinky outfits... comment or email me and I'll send you a catalogue.

Monday, April 18, 2005


Item: Complete Wardrobe

Scene of the Crime: My apartment

Suspected Criminals: The aliens

Have you seen my clothes? Have you seen the aliens?
I will be standing on my balcony naked feverishly searching the skies for any sign of remorse and return of my clothes... or at least by black lace thong.

Daddy Dearest

Daddy is just the sweetest thing.

On the phone with him today he suddenly tells me, "Girl. Now, I love you. And I support your decision as long as you're sure it's what you want. I met ___ last night and I want you to do this for me. Ask her... what can I do for her that she's more comfortable with me. I tried making conversation but I didn't really have many topics to talk about. Ask her for me okay? And tell her, that as far as I'm concerned... she's a lovely lady. And as long as she takes care of you, she's in my good books."

*tears tears tears*

Thank you Daddy... you always continue to amaze me with your capacity for love and understanding.

Reunion at Rozells

Yesterday was the time of the great family reunion after my moving out a week ago.
My parental unit, my baby, my pair of friends... my 2-yr old Aussie fiance and his whole family were there.

We had a quiet dinner and my dear old sweet daddy initiated small talk with ___... in a bid to get to know her... he said, "___ you smoke? How much do you smoke? My wife smokes 2 packets a day..." and there we have it... the (___)-mom relationship initiation.

Memorable moments for me...

1. Daddy and the smoke dialogue
2. My mom digging in to the fried rice knowing that ___ had ordered it for us to share
3. ___ wiping ice-cream off little Williams face and hands with my Mom hovering by
4. ___ initiating conversation with my mom and dad
5. ___ seeing to my parent's wellfare... enough drinks, enough food, etc...

It was an amazing sight!!! I was extremely touched, so very happy and so very PROUD to have these fantastic people in my life.

Thank you baby, Mom, Dad!
I love you all.

Lost in the Loo

"Lights On, Lights Off... Part 2"

Another classic example of not allowing drunks to wander off alone.
But this time, I'm bitching because Edgar bloody desserted me after saying he'd keep an eye out for me in case Aaron passes out (which Aaron did).

So what happened?

I throw my lungs up in the toilet then proceed to get hopelessly lost WHILE STILL IN THE TOILET. The damn thing was the space of a closet but I was HOPELESSLY unable to find the door.

And the moment between leaving the table and me reaching the loo took the space of 5 seconds - enuf for 'The E' to pass out... completely, totally, utterly, inevitably... dead to the world.

I resigned myself to my fate, the porcelain throne became my bed for the night.


Red Lights are FUN

Here I go again, attempting to buy a car.

The first time I tried this, I was simply inundated with so many views that I decided to give it a rest.

Now I'm trying again... on a solo mission to buy a vehicle minus the rotor blades (what I really want is a helicopter) that will cruise the cramped Penang roads. I look forward to grabbing my Smart Tag device, pretending it's a Star Trek scanner... and furiously scan neighbouring cars at red lights for suspicious alien activity.

The Naked Housekeeper

The great PLUS point about moving into a place of your own is this... you can get naked to sweep the floors, clean the toilets, scrub the sinks and change the sheets, cause your clothes would just get dirty and that in turn would just raise the laundry bill, thereby defeating the purpose of saving money by doing the house chores by yourself.


It's GREAT-er when the people you live with agree with you.

I'm still formulating a plausible reason to stand naked in front of the balcony doors.

Any thoughts?

The Triangle of Life

In a few years from now, earthlings launch a spaceship filled with humans of every conceivable race, occupation and age. Should anything ever happen to earth, the species will survive.

Centuries later, nothing disastrous has happened. We are incredibly super-tech and our spaceships are exploring the galaxies.

I am on one of these spaceships.

On our journey, we bump into that first spaceship of humans who were sent to preserve humanity.

We discover, their water system has been polluted*. They are going insane**.
They only have a 1 in 6 chance of survival.

To prepare for any emergencies, the ship executes disaster drills.
Men, women and children start ducking under their desks in the typical 'duck and hold' position.

At which point I scream... "No.... that's not the way to do it. You will DIE! Lie in the foetal position NEXT to the object. It's the TRIANGLE OF LIFE!!!!"***

And wake up.

References, from life to the dreamstate:
** Aja and the scanners
*** Research done for Penang's disaster preparedness handbook

Lights on, Lights off

Saturday night was a great example of how drunks shouldn't be allowed to, err... do anything by themselves.

We were at the Sports Club, I'd had one too many JD Coke's.
I passionately tell Sylvia, "I need to pee. I'm going to hold on to you cos i can't walk surrtstraight."

Off we go.
I push open the door to the loo and WHOA the lights flicker on! I stare up in amazement say, "HEY! Cool! They've got automatic lights! This is one high-tech club!"

At which point she tells me... "errrr... no. I switched them on."

*blink blink*

"Nooooo, are you sure?" says I.


"Hmph," I snort as my eyes cross. "Wow."

For those of you wondering, no, there's no point to that story.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Mental Masturbation over My Moving

After 28 years of being tied to mommy's apron strings, I'm finally moving out of the house and moving in with my baby.

Although come to think of it, I'm not really moving in or out of anything... just spreading myself to two places.

After all... I do have 28 YEARS WORTH OF CRAP stored lovingly in that sunless void that's situated in the middle of my house, which I call my room. Don't get me wrong. It's not a windowless airless hole. It has windows. They open to the kitchen.

But I digress...

I love my home... even more so when I spend most of my time away from it.
I look forward to going back periodically to spend quality time with 'the elders'.
To listen to how Nan still holds conversations in a realm all her own.

Ian: "Did you go to the hospital today Nan?"
Nan: "Yeah, I've had my dinner thanks. Would you like some crumbs?"
Ian: "No thanks because the [empty silence with only mouth movements for effect] aliens came to [mouthing only] and take your medicine."

To look at my room nostalgically - painted in fuchsia and sexually frustrated purple; for a sense of depth (to the room, not its occupant) - and filled to the brim with winnie the pooh collectibles.

I can't possibly cart all my stuff over. Where would I start? And besides, I want to leave the memory of me behind... not ERASE the evidence of my presence. 28 years is a lot to give up.

And yet I'm happy. EXCITED.

"Do you think it's too soon? You're still in the honeymoon phase," Aja asked.

"No," I replied lightly.

What I really meant by that one word reply was this... "Is it too soon? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Is anything ever too soon? Is anything ever too late? When is that perfect point in time when you just KNOW? Maybe next time in hindsight I might look back and say it was too soon. But then again, I may not. Note to self, you're mentally masturbating again Gayle. stopit."

"No," I repeated once more and because I felt it had to be qualified, I added "X and I were in the honeymoon phase for the better part of 4 years." *shrugs*

I'm EXCITED. I'm happy. I'm nervous. I'm worried. I'm determined to succeed. I'm worried about failing. I'm so many things all at once... and that's normal for me. I've learned to accept and even EMBRACE the fucked up way in which my mind tends to wander. To put it all aside then say "oh what the fuck, i'll do it anyway."

I'm gonna be myself. I'm gonna stand my ground. I'm gonna ask for 'me' space.

Not enquire if it were possible, if it weren't too much trouble, if it weren't trespassing and if there were no previous plans for that room if I may please have a little space for me and I feel bad to ask cause it's really your place and I don't wanna make it seem like I'm encroaching or using you or anything so you know I really just wann be humble about this so how? >.< *blink blink*

I can be such a loser sometimes. We're in this together, and yet sometimes, because I don't want to be a burden, I pretend that there are some things I can really do without, even when I know there's no reason that should be so.

I know ___ doesn't want me to do without.
*chuckle* So baby... 'me' space please? For whatever I feel like putting in it.
Even if it's an igloo.

My Webos is Blue

Aaron has a small 'webos'

At least, that is the myth... it all happened years ago. Think church. Think pubescent boys in a motorbike gang. Think peeing off Penang bridge in the dead of night.

I only wonder... was it blue too?

Aaron, tell me really, are you a poo'ter?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Lillian Who?

" Your Astrological Weight at Birth is

5liang 2chin

Solar Birthdate = 7 Nov 1977
Lunar Birthdate = 26 Sept 1977

Life will be a smooth journey for you all the way. Everything you do will be successful. You do not need to suffer or work hard. Family members that carry your surname will be famous too. You will be happy with your fortunes and the assets that you build. Wear a mystic knot to protect your good fortune luck. "

Riiiight. Somehow I think I got my birth-hour wrong, cause honey life ain't always a bed of roses for me.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

You Like DAT?

"Ooh yeah baby, that feels good coming out of the closet like DAT!
You LIKE dat? You LIKE dat? Hang on I'm gonna SPURT!"

Lordy ... lordy... me...
(Baby, Aaron says he looks like you. How?) Posted by Hello

It's all so wrong. Posted by Hello

My tie is blue. HECK.. IIII am blue! Posted by Hello

Read the post below and an earlier one entitled "About Aaron"

"I got class"

gayle_barbosa: didya read my little ditty about aaron?

Rommel : yes i did

Rommel : i shalt not say a thing, not after my haircut yesterday

Rommel : >.<

gayle_barbosa: HAHAHA

gayle_barbosa: awww c'mon

Rommel : errrrrrrrr

Rommel : notice totally omfg look ===> [yahoo messenger picture goes here]


gayle_barbosa: otherwise the blog...

gayle_barbosa: might die..

gayle_barbosa: forever...

gayle_barbosa: :((

Rommel : how the heck am i suppose to give u material woman?

gayle_barbosa: be the material

gayle_barbosa: feel the material

Rommel : sounds so wrong yet so right

Rommel : eh ask capes if he wants to see samara tonight or not

gayle_barbosa: "tonight ah" he says

gayle_barbosa: "cannot lah" he says

gayle_barbosa: "cannotlah sorry" he says

gayle_barbosa: "i got class" he says

gayle_barbosa: what kind of class - is debatable

Rommel : yer cikgu

gayle_barbosa: based on the colour of his tie... i'd say he's not talking about social class

gayle_barbosa: HAHA

Rommel : hes teaching chinese eds not to make home movies

Rommel : how*

gayle_barbosa: lol

gayle_barbosa: errr...

gayle_barbosa: there u go

gayle_barbosa: MATERIAL FOR OUR BLOG

Rommel : yay

Rommel : go me!

Rommel : ffs i got center parting! arrrgghhhh

gayle_barbosa: center parting?

gayle_barbosa: HAHAH

gayle_barbosa: like my old breadman

Rommel : one step closer to chinkiness

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

At Damai Beach, at the foothills of Mount Santubong (Sarawak) Posted by Hello

As always... the pre-party prep!!! Posted by Hello

Darn It! Posted by Hello

Damn Right!

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

You'd better believe it buddy boy.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

We Are The Champions

The good times... Asiaworks NMLP2. "We are the champions, my friend." Posted by Hello

Not mine, but he's damn cute

Whoozacutesiewootesieden? Posted by Hello

Bloody Winos

Shirley, my long time best friend with the wine up her nose. And aja, colleague and psychopath. Posted by Hello

Coffee Cold Turkey

N.O. c.o.f.f.e.e. t.o.d.a.y.
The world is muted. Yellows appear jaundiced and reds remind me of mud.
oh aja, how could you?
you got me addicted
first, one a day
and now two
but today you're unwell
and that's just, bloody swell
cause you're my supplier
and now i've never felt dryer
oh, please feel better soon
so i can jump over the moon
with a double shot, through the nose
served on a spoon

Friday, April 01, 2005

Bloody Awesome Recipes

Fried Fish with Buttered Rice and Marmite

Corn Beef with buttered rice

Crispy Fried Egg and Peanut Butter Sandwich

Ice Kacang with Cheezels

Hard Boiled Egg with Sandwich Spread and Bacon SANDWICH *slurp*

Mashed Potatoes with Sliced Up Fried Sausages and Hard Boiled Egg White bits

About Aaron

Short and sly
He had a tie
Electric blue