Friday, November 23, 2007

Beets Business

Go to your boss and pitch this business idea.
hahaha.




Number 1 rule in roadside beet sales.
Put the best looking beets on top.

They make you pull over your car and say,
wow I need this beet right now.

Those are the money beets.
-Dwight Schrute (The Office)




Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Birthday Bunny

Let the festivities begin!!!!


And as I blow out my candles on this my 30th, my fervent wish is that Jobe will fall asleep in the living room again so I can create the Birthday Party Edgarator!

I already have the prototype...


Monday, November 05, 2007

Time Warp

Strange. I'm losing hours. And I don't think the aliens took them.

I've just been dealing with a person who tells me things that I told her 5 minutes before she tells me.

HAH. Try dealing with THAT sentence. Maybe if you fold the sentence together like the back-cover of a MAD magazine it'd make sense.


Example.

Me: Our project deadline is looming. We need to get our interviews done fast, so we can keep time with our production schedule. I'm just waiting on your side to get me the details you promised.

Client: Hmm. Yeah. ______ was talking to me. We need to get the book done fast, so we need to buck up on the interviews. How long will it take you ah? When can I get it?

Me: As soon as it's done. Just get me the details so I can get the interviews done. We've done loads already just waiting on yours.

Client: Oh, I see. Ok. Will work on that. So when do you think I can get it? We need to hurry up.


It's at this point that my eyes start to glaze over - the effect of trying to stare down a black hole. The black hole always wins, and the loser walks away with a headache that suggests the death of a few million brain cells.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Terrific Twenties

I have just one more week to enjoy being in my twenties.
Then thirty is going to hit me like an unwanted zit on prom night.

I discovered my first white hair this year. Ask Aaron, I freaked out on him in KL. The coffee didn't help. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt like crying that night. Then I felt like laughing too, because white hair or not - here was another 'first'.

I didn't pluck the white hair out, and I check on it once in a while to see how it's doing... like an unofficial pet. Perhaps, like my left breast - I shall give my solitary white hair a name. Suggestions?

*Derailment* I wonder what I'll one day name my solitary hair. At least now I still have the pleasure of adding the adjective 'white'... to discern one strand from all the rest. I have 'the rest' to feel blessed about.

My twenties have been fabulous and so much has happened in these ten years. I've had lots of firsts...

  • First drunken binge
  • First serious long-term relationship
  • First time contemplating marriage
  • First time contemplating marriage to a same-sex partner
  • First white hair
  • First sexual encounter involving more than two persons
  • First nervous breakdown
  • First speech at a wedding
  • First visit to the psychiatrist
  • First plane ride out of Malaysia
  • First hamster and rat pets
  • First newspaper article about me (and mum and Nanny too)
  • First same-sex relationship
  • First holiday in East Malaysia
  • First time appearing as a VO and acting talent (haha laughable actually)
  • First time I've lived away from my parents
  • First tattoo
  • First mmorpg experience
  • First time I quit smoking & drinking
  • First car (that's mine)
  • First Chigger (I've always had Chigger, but it was the first time I thought of giving it a name)
  • First D&D character making it past level 3
  • First career change
  • First blog

... the list is endless isn't it? There's a blessing in every one of those firsts and I wouldn't have done anything different. However, that doesn't mean to say that I'd relish having seconds or thirds where some of the things on that list are concerned.

*Derailment: While I'm contemplating the last week of my twenties. My brother is probably 'not' contemplating the last 22 days of his thirties. The bastard. (I mean that fondly)

I can't remember who it was that said to me recently, "Why do we need to have white hair to be seen as having wisdom?" Well, since I recently removed my first wisdom tooth, perhaps this as yet unnamed white hair has come to strike a balance on the wisdom scales. Mwah haha.

Well I don't know what the Thirties will hold for me, but I'll make sure there's a whole bunch of other 'firsts' to add to the list. Among them would be: First degree, first holiday in a country with seasons & first business.

But in the meantime, I'm grateful that in 7 days, it WON'T be my first great party with the people I care about MOST in this world.

Having fir
sts are great. Having more of the same with you guys makes me feel unbelievably blessed.


I'll see you guys soon!
Forget the party hats.
Bring the booze, an appetite
& a willingness to tea-party like the Edgar-ator!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Edgar-ator!! (Part 2-single)

Just when you thought I'd forgotten all about those pictures that were neatly handed to me
in a thumb-drive... mwah ha ha...

























Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Discworld

I haven't blogged in a long while, for good reason. I've been reading. Yes. I read. My manic humour has to come from somewhere. Inspired by some thing. And my thing of choice is Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

I've had moments when I couldn't touch his books. Periods that lasted 6 - 7 months. A year or more sometimes.

It's like the Baskin Robbins that I used to enjoy a pint at a time until my body finally rallied all of its bits into an angry pitch-fork wielding mob and collectively launched brown liquidy spew out of my mouth. It said, "Hey, Bile! And you, Stomach! Not you, Asshole! Grab these picket signs we're storming the Esophagus!"

Then I had to stay off the ice-creams for some time before I could launch myself into another delightful chocolatey binge.


Terry Pratchett is my indulgence. He takes the world as we know it and wraps it in a veil of twisted satire that doesn't actually do much veiling of anything. Instead, it reveals. Reveals the twisted truths of the world that we live in. In the privacy of our bedrooms or toilets where we happen to be reading, we can own up and laugh at ourselves, "hahahaha yeah I'm guilty of that. *snort* " Something we might only do with only the closest friends, and even then not all the time.

Terry Pratchett pokes fun at all of us. And I love it! Can't get enough of it!

And I'm going to share with you some of his literary gems. I don't even care if you don't get it. Like his books, this blog post is completely an indulgence for me. Mwahahaaa.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a minor example of his wit...


"Everywhere he looked there were 'fat' geysers. Rings of ancient, congealed yellow fat, so old and rancid that even Sam Vimes wouldn't dip his toast in it unless he was really hungry, encircled sizzling little pools. There were even black floating bits, which on second glance turned out to be insects that were slow learners in a hot fat situation.

Vimes recalled something Igor had said. Sometimes dwarfs working the high strata, where the fat had congealed into a kind of tallow millennia ago, found strange ancient animals, perfectly preserved but fried to a crisp.

Probably... Vimes found himself laughing out of sheer exhaustion... probably battered to death.

Mwahahaaa.


The snow was falling heavily now, making the fat pools spit.

Vimes sagged to his knees. He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions."


~~~~~~~
Excerpt from his book, "The Fifth Elephant"
.... this excerpt reminds of my current place of work which I won't name but YOU know


Captain Carrot explains, "In Uberwald the dwarfs and trolls haven't settled their old grievances. There are large areas controlled by feudal vampire or werewolf clans, and there are also tracts with much higher than normal background magic. It is a chaotic place, indeed, and you'd hardly think you were in the Century of the Fruitbat. It is to be hoped that things will improve, however, and Uberwald will, happily, be joining the community of nations.'

Vimes and Vetinari exhchanged looks. Sometimes Carrot sounded like a civics essay written by a stunned choirboy.

"Well put,' said the Patrician at last. "But until that joysome day Uberwald remains a mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma."

"Let me see if I've got this right," said Vimes. "Uberwald is like this big suet pudding that everyone's suddenly noticed, and now with this coronation as an excuse we've all got to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to shovel as much on our plates as possible?"

"Your grasp of political reality is masterly, Vimes. You lack only the appropriate vocabulary."

Monday, October 01, 2007

Edgarator Videos Batch 1

Skip these videos & go read these first:



TRUST ME, You'll Feel Better If You Do
(For some reason, blogger mixed up the order of my posts)



---

These vids are a little unclear but still PRICELESS!!!!

Note: Transformers playing in the background. Listen closely and you can hear Edgar 'sawing logs' through the sound from the show. Camera shook cause I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face.


video




video


video video


Edgarator Video 2

No camera tricks folks, this is the real deal!!!
Unfortunately, it's also sideways... couldn't figure out how to flip the darn thing.
This video was taken on Chiet's phone which has so much better resolution than mine. ENJOY

Note: Transformers closing theme playing in the background. Ever notice how it sounds like the theme song from a Cowboy show? Well, Aaron did...


video

The Edgar-ator!! (Episode 1)




Continued... Part 2

The Edgar-ator!! (Episode 2)





At time of posting, Edgar still does not know that these events took place while he was asleep.


Continued... Videos Batch 1

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Clubhouse

So, we have a club house now. We, would be me... and the 'gang'.

The gang is an amoeba like organisation with people coming and going (usually, going to KL), but these days it generally consists of the following 20-somethings and 30-somethings:

Capes, Tats, Romz, Boon, Jobe, Fon, Hockster, Girly, Ronz, Elmengster, Flo, Paddios, Big J, Rubybaby, Jen, Khimmy San, Eric, Cha boh and some dude named Chiet.


Our satellite members in Kl that I can think of are:
Eds, Suet, Bitch & Barney

These are the guys I usually play Dungeons & Dragons with, have crazy booze parties with, have round table sessions with, and get lost in toilets with after I pass out drunk.

My goblok cousin Capes has been a key part of this group ever since the 'DOT m y' days when a few of us met through a non-profit internet/computer assocation thingy with high ideals. It has devolved to what it is today. MUAH HAHHAHAHA. More power to us.

And I'm working on getting Daphne inducted. Just have to think up an 'induction ritual' now and pass it off as a long-standing rite of passage. (Hoping Daphne won't read this post).

The rite will undoubtedly involve Daphne drinking herself blind! Who's with me? Say 'aye'.


So we used to just gather in front of this cybercafe in Fettes Park called Netcity, our friend being a manager of the chain. However, ever since Edgar aka Jobe fell asleep drunk in the Netcity toilet... (very gross) we thought... a clubhouse be a good idea (very cool).

And now, in the past month... it has come to be!
We now have a double storey semi-detached house in Lembah Permai, with enough garden space to wedge in about 8-10 cars. We have a few mascots (Meng's cat 'Snowball', Jobe's snake and a fish). Snowball roams freely, Jobe's snake is confined to his quarters and the fish, I just heard, moved into its brand new pond that the guys finished digging up last night.

We have a foosball table. I'm dying to get my hands on a pool table. And soon...

Project : Make Terrain for RPG Table-top
Project code : T4TT (Terrain 4 Table Top)
Project leader : Capes
Commencement : When i have at least 3 or more people signing up
Please sign up :
1) Jobe <- Styrafoam supplies and random landscape effects. Methods may prove destructive, and possibly hazardous.
2) Fon, will provide epic level colossal fiendish cat
3)Meng<- styrafoam and any genaral help....>
4)RonZ <- Smoke & Fire / Sound effects
5)Gayle <- Paints and random poundin' (not necessary with a hammer)
6)
7)
8)
Thanks for the response!!
Will get tarted(pun intended) in organising days and EQ needed to build shit up. Or down. No, Rons, we cannot use smoke or fire....sound effects...maybe...
  • First project :
  • Elminsters Tower!!
  • Difficulty : Easy
  • Needs : A colour laser printer (or access to one) (Boon? Jobe?)
  • Mounting Board (to stiff things up) 180g simili paper will be perfect (Capes ninja from office)
  • Glue (not the epoxy resin kind, the average superglue will do)
  • Scissors (not Edward) or Penknife works
  • PDF plans (will mail to whoever can print)
Attached below is the Final product and basic guide. Of course this project is opened to "mods". What are we if not "modders" We must mod.
*mod = modify




And I just realised how nerdy we really are.
Really wish I had a camera to document this project. Anyone out there wanna buy me one?

Saturday, September 08, 2007

A Girly Drunken Afternoon

So, cleaned my room. Had a slight accident with the damn air revitaliser. Note to self, don't balance that thing on my bedpost anymore. Remember that it fell the last time and spilled water and fragrance oil all down the steps of my loft bed.

As to what's being planned for the day....

Daphne says: (11:22:04 AM)
i'm reading your ocd blog...hahahaha...

Daphne says: (11:22:11 AM)
just got to the part about the clothes pegs

Gayle says: (11:22:37 AM)
yeah, all that coffee - made me feel industrious about taking pictures

Daphne says: (11:22:56 AM)
haha....shirl there yet?

Gayle says: (11:23:07 AM)
nah. she decided she'd go do some chores first and come over about 1

Daphne says: (11:23:30 AM)
alrighty

Gayle says: (12:12:20 PM)
babe, could u bring the sticky roller thing 4me pls?

Daphne says: (12:12:47 PM)
i've been trying to find my new one but can't find it....

Daphne says: (12:13:01 PM)
will bring you the one i use....you use it first la in the meantime....haha....

Gayle says: (12:14:27 PM)
no need lah babe

Daphne says: (12:14:53 PM)
i hardly use it anyway....

Daphne says: (12:15:32 PM)
nevermind....since i'm going to hunt for the ribena afterwards....you want me to buy 1 for you if i happen to see it?

Gayle says: (12:15:48 PM)
yes pls :D

Daphne says: (12:15:59 PM)
ok....if got i'll get it for you la....

Gayle says: (12:17:19 PM)
i wanna drink oredy

Gayle says: (12:17:20 PM)
want want want

Gayle says: (12:17:27 PM)
i think shirl's bringing 2 types of vodka and chivas

Daphne says: (12:17:44 PM)
walau....we gonna be drunk....

Daphne says: (12:18:14 PM)
did u tell her to bring her makeup kit over? hahaha.....

Gayle says: (12:19:21 PM)
haha yes. she said she lazy, and refused at first. but then realised that she'd better otherwise she suddenly gatai then i have to turn her into a zombie with my makeup again

Gayle says: (12:21:14 PM)
i could also use some super absorbant tampons. hahahaha

Daphne says: (12:22:05 PM)
hot diggity....i found the sticky roller thingy!!

Daphne says: (12:22:12 PM)
i was on a MISSION!

Gayle says: (12:22:38 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Gayle says: (12:22:42 PM)
see i told you!

Gayle says: (12:22:49 PM)
it's... what's the damn word

Daphne says: (12:22:58 PM)
dude, it's rubbing off....damn....

Gayle says: (12:23:03 PM)
lol yeah no shit

Gayle says: (12:23:07 PM)
wait till i get u with the laundry

Daphne says: (12:23:26 PM)
*screams and runs away*

Friday, September 07, 2007

Laundry OCD

O.C.D.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

It's a fickle thing. It doesn't mean that I'm a neat freak. No, it's not that. It means that certain things tweak me the wrong way. And I'm only a mild case, with infrequent symptoms.
  • Like turning the lights on, then off, then on, then off... to make sure it really was off.
  • Like making sure all my appointments are written in my diary otherwise I simply cannot function because I don't truly believe that the appointments are real unless they're written down. Even when the appointment is over & done with, knowing it wasn't written down beforehand nags at me.
My best friend Shirley once threatened to throw my diary at me cause I wanted to 'pencil in' a coffee date with her at Gurney Plaza while we were riding the elevator... at Gurney Plaza.

  • Like trying to find lighter gas refill. Wasn't even my lighter. The owner was like 'to hell with that' after the first shop. And I went, "Nooooooooooo." "NOOOOOOOOOO let's go here, come along. Nope. Yeah. Let's try here too." And yeah we finally found it, and I was happy. And Daphne was pointing at me, and shaking her head, giggling and repeating "OCD. OCD, man. Dude you were on a mission. Hahahaha."
  • Like when I accidentally left my exercise ball at Starbucks. Despite knowing that my friend who works in MPH was going to retrieve it for me, I made Daphne drive over there with me anyway cause I'd feel really shitty if I lost it and knew I myself didn't attempt to physically go over there to retrieve it. So we went. And sat in the car waiting. I felt good just being within the vicinity of it.
And once I parked the car, after all the hyperactive caffeine induced chatter and laughing and praying my stuff didn't walk away on its own two legs, I said to Daphne in a tragic undervoice...



"You know. I wasn't always like this babe."





I get greeted by shrieks of laughter.
*wry look*


((All I can say to Daphne now is... what's up with not buying a new lighter for the longest time cause you felt like you're being a traitor to your old favourite one that broke? Eh? *poke* ))




And then in the car, I continued to story Daphne about my Laundry OCD. Which is peculiar. Because before I moved back home, I was never afflicted with it. But one day while hanging out my laundry, my mum passed this disease on to me.

I hung my clothes with whichever clothes pegs were to hand. And then she looks at me and tut tuts. She takes the damn thing from me, and then removes the green peg... and replaces it with an orange peg... to match the other peg. "See? Matching coloured pegs," she says, damn pleased with herself.

I laugh my arse off at her. I go, "Oohh OOh look ma, look what I'm doing." And then purposely switch the colour of the pegs just to irritate her and make her laugh.

And then the strangest thing happened. I squinted and paused. And made them the same colour again.


And I've been that way ever since. Worse. It's not just limited to the colour of the peg. But the type. And the size. And and and and it's political affiliations even, if it HAS to come to that!!!!!!!!

Let me show you.


This is where it gets ugly.




I feel shame.


But you know, the slim hangers are for like T-shirts and stuff. And the bloated oval ones are for like shorts. And the huge bloated ones are for like, jeans and undies and stuff.

And and and. The average pegs are for regular clothes. The bigger pegs are for jeans and heavier clothes. And the long pegs are to clip collars together around the top of a hanger to make sure they don't get out of shape! And those cute old fashioned woody pegs are for hanging stuff out on a regular laundry line - like towels and socks.

Really.

And delicate wash bags are for like delicate clothes and girly clothes with those tangly long bits. And I have round 'shaped' bags to keep my bras in shape and to make sure my heavy studded-belts don't knock all my other clothes senseless.

And I do 5 loads.

  • Normal whites. (Regular soap + softener + normal spin cycle)
  • Normal coloured. (same)
  • Jeans. (Just soap. No softener. And normal spin cycle)
  • Delicate whites. (A little less of that harsh soap. Softener. Delicate cycle)
  • Delicate coloured. (Same)
Now I know my friends laugh at me about this. But am I really the only one who does this?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Shahfizzletennis

So I was talking to Daphne today about my dilemma.

I said, "Babe. Should I send that follow up email? I didn't get any response from my original mail you know although I have evidence that it was received and read. So you know, to drive my point home kinda thing and to encourage a response from the follow up one? I mean shall I be dogged about it till a new result is received. I'm half a mind about it."

And she was like, "Babe."

"You send the ball over to his court right. And he's supposed to send it back. And is it that important anyway that you need it back... that you end up doing all the work in the end?"

"I mean, picture this. You send the ball over."

"Then you actually walk over to the other side and bring it back."

*significant pause*

"AND Then you send the ball over again. And then you go again and bring it back."

"Send it over. Bring it back. Send it over. Bring it back."


*Daphne gives me a look*

*crickets*


Muah hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!




I think to myself... no one's ever put anything to me quite like that. Not only was it hilarious while being wonderfully forthright. It was instantly convincing & a ridiculous enough image for me to say, "Hell yeah. Fuck that shit." Sometimes, all the psychobabble just takes too long.


Finally, Daphne quips...
"It's your O.C.D. again isn't it?"

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Mutton Debate

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:17:47 AM)
i tell you , u can make a bestseller from my msn convos

Gayle says: (4:18:03 AM)
totally man, you're my best msn based blog-fodder lah

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:18:28 AM)
how nice to know, still no skypee though lol

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:18:51 AM)
oh waiyt, there u are!

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:19:23 AM)
only missing cam now

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:04 AM)
oh yay that works

Gayle says: (4:20:09 AM)
u be mutton!

Gayle says: (4:20:24 AM)
because you went yay

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:25 AM)
u plan on making mutton go yay?

Gayle says: (4:20:29 AM)
hmmmm, what an idea

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:31 AM)
rofl

Gayle says: (4:20:41 AM)
discussion - how does one make mutton go yay?

Gayle says: (4:20:42 AM)
tickling it?

Gayle says: (4:20:50 AM)
stuffing it hard with herbs and tittilating it with lime?

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:50 AM)
fucking it silly of course

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:22 AM)
that would work too

Gayle says: (4:21:23 AM)
maybe massaging its flesh with rosemary till its coarse and grainy and ready to be cooked

Gayle says: (4:21:32 AM)
hahahaha, lame

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:35 AM)
dammit now im hungry

Gayle says: (4:21:38 AM)
HAHAHAHAH

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:49 AM)
or u can stuff it btwn your boobies till it screams yay

Gayle says: (4:22:18 AM)
hehehe, how to make mutton go yay, hmm...

Gayle says: (4:22:33 AM)
turn it back into a kambing?

Gayle says: (4:22:36 AM)
feed it to a kambing?

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:40 AM)
no no no

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:44 AM)
u take the mutton

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:56 AM)
and work on it till it yells im kambing! then goes yay

Gayle says: (4:23:05 AM)
HAHAHAHAH ASDJFEID;A KD;ksdha

Gayle says: (4:23:08 AM)
gimme a sec, u give me so much blog fodder i can't keep up lah

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:23:13 AM)
kk

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:23:36 AM)
FUCK I FORGOT THE PILLOWS

Rom Keeper of Secrets, Corruptor of Souls

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:12 AM)
no wanking at the clubhouse for now

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:21 AM)
at least not until after i fuck a neighbour

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:28 AM)
oh god im demented

Gayle says: (3:09:10 AM)
right

Gayle says: (3:09:14 AM)
i still don't see the logic, but what the hey

Gayle says: (3:09:20 AM)
i'm blogging that - if i may?

Gayle says: (3:09:32 AM)
*chuckle*

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:37 AM)
even if i dont allow it

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:44 AM)
heck ud do it

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:47 AM)
so yr point is?

Tollbooth Aaron impersonates Chiru

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Chuckle

Daphne: *reads blog*

Daphne says: what is "salad is a cargo you could do?"



*snigger*

Portable Pamper Pole

The Portable Pamper Pole.




*blink*

Say it with me.... Porrrtabuhl Pamper Pohhhl.

No no, you've gotta get your mouth round those syllables baby!

Pohhhr-ta-buhl Pahm-pur PohhhhL



Good. Now, cross your eyes slightly and try to drool a little bit.... "portable pamper pole."

mm hmm, that's it... now put your hands out like this - like you're a Velociraptor.... yup, and hop... no no, bounce gently on the balls of your feet.

yup yup that's it..... "portable pamper pole"


You GOT IT!





No, there's no point to this post.
But ask Tollbooth Aaron for a demonstration & his story about the Portable Pamper Pole.

Stalker

*singsong*
Tollbooth Aaron has a stalker. Tollboth Aaron has a crazy chinkaloids stalker.


muah hahahaha


Picture this:
Girl passed out on road at KPM apartment carpark.
Tollbooth Aaron renders help.
Girl regains consciousness eventually, and....

SCCREEEAMMMSS!!!!!!


Fast forward... and picture this:
Girl gets helped up to her apartment.
Clutching Winnie the Pooh, swaying on the sofa... staring into space.
Tollbooth Aaron cleans her wounds, and eventually manages to leave after confirming her lucidity, closing door behind him.


Tollbooth Aaron visits guardhouse on a prior errand.

Leaves guardhouse, visits girl one last time:
Door is open, Tollbooth Aaron feels fear.
Readies fist weapons, initiative +1
Rounds the corner and behold...


Girl standing in the middle of room gazing up trance-like at spinning ceiling fan.


"Woi" Tollbooth Aaron breaks girl out of her reverie.
Counselling 101 ensues.
Tollbooth Aaron offers name card, just in case - for his Chaotic Good has kicked in, although True Neutral is urging him to get the hell outta there.


Tollbooth Aaron goes home. Goes to sleep.
Girlfriend returns.
Phone rings. Yarrr.

Crazy girl be calling. Conversation goes something like this:


Tollbooth Aaron (TA) : Are you okay?
Crazy Girl (CG): Yes, I just wanted to say thank you and apologise for what happened. Do you have a girlfriend?
TA: Yes but she's not around right now, it's okay we can talk if you need to talk.
CG: ohhh you have a girlfriend. Ohhh.... I cannot talk to you. I'm embarassed, no I cannot.
TA: No, no it's okay.... are you alright? If you need someone to talk to I consider you a neighbour so it's fine.
CG: Oh, oh...


*mindless dialogue, fast forward*


CG: Oh, so do you have a girlfriend?
TA: *blink blink* uh. yes, I do.
CG: Oh, like that I 'pai seh' i cannot talk to you....


*mindless blather, fast forward again*


CG: Oh, so you have a girlfriend?
TA: *cross eyed* yessssss, i have a girlfriend. but are you alright? do you have anyone, your friends to come and visit you make sure you're better or what?
CG: oh yeah, uhh yeah tomorrow...


*mindless blahdiblah... you know the drill*


CG: Oh, uh. So you have a girlfriend huh?
Ok you have a girlfriend I don't want to talk to you.



*click*


*Daphne & Gayle singing*
Tollbooth Aaron has a stallllllkerrrr.


Sunday, September 02, 2007

Working Stiffs (Goblok Roadtrip Epilogue)


But you ask, where's the third Goblok?



Ahhah! All I can say is.... the boy went back to taking it from behind. HAHAHAHAHAH.

But yeah, Aaron's in this picture too.
Instead of being the star in them, Aaron returned to being the guy behind them.

"Encounters with the Selvibush" (Goblok Roadtrip diaries)

The journey home!!!!!

Of course, one can never take enough pictures. An impromptu photoshoot (with props) at the first rest-stop (also our Tongkat Ali coffee stop) was called for!

Behold, the Selvibush has been immortalised!
More than one traveller at that rest-stop thought they were on candid camera from just watching us have at it with the Selvibush.

One petrol stop, more snapshots and a bizarre John Travolta impersonation later...


... and we were home sweet home.

The End

"Poke" (Goblok Roadtrip Diaries)

We'd dropped Daphne off, made our campus visit to Brickfields college and were trying to find our way to April's place. The cracks were seriously starting to show.

At a red light, I playfully poke Aaron's cheek and make a noise something like a 'balloon fart'.
And then Aaron, he says....
























"poke"







shrieks of laughter. hysterical tears. it's like that for 10 minutes.
I completely cracked from lack of sleep and just way too much coffee.

After finally getting ourselves un-lost, both Aaron and I promptly passed out... and were refreshed in the evening for a night out at Heritage Row... only to pick on rhythmless chinkaloids performing traumatic dance movements at the Sunshine club.

And then joined up with none other than Jay, 2006 Cleo Bachelor number 12 himself *snigger*... and continued making complete arses of ourselves.

... but creditable effort was made to posh ourselves up for pictures...

Of course - Aaron, being a man's man scored with...

a sakai.


And so here we are... 3 Gobloks, a bar + 1 sakai (*cough* I mean, tribal type singer dude).


Tollbooth Aaron (Goblok Roadtrip Diaries)

This picture's so good I had to post it again.

Think 'Tickle Me Elmo'. The 'Tollbooth Aaron' stuffed doll comes equipped with a Starbucks Machiatto in one hand, and snazzy one liners that only become audible within a 1 meter radius of any toll plaza.

"Live long and prosper."
"May the force be with you."
"Is Penang down the road? Here? This road? Sure? Okthankuvrymuchahhhhhh"

... are just some of them.

Soon to be added to the Tollbooth Aaron's vocabulary are:

"Woot I'm coming."
and
"Salad is a cargo you could do."

The journey began with a stop at the e-Gate starbucks for the 3 Penang Gobloks who'd barely had any sleep the night before... Daphne, Aaron & yours truly.

Fast forward 1 hour into the trip, the coffee's all gone. My Chemical Romance has been blasting on the CD player (indeed, it blasted the entire trip) and countless motorists have been made fun of.

At one of the first few tolls, Aaron grabs the toll ticket and solemnly pronounces to the tollbooth person... "May the force be with you" before zooming off to shrieks of caffeine induced laughter.

The pressure builds, and Tollbooth Aaron is forced to perform, nay... to raise his standards even... at every toll stop thereafter or suffer the scorn of his female companions. More coffee is called for.

All in all, 3 Starbucks beverages and about 4 Nescafe's in a can were consumed for the 4 hour journey.

The Goblok Roadtrip


3 Gobloks, a camera and a KL weekend.



Never.Again.

My arse is blue black from all the self-kicking.

Chinkaloids.
Mandarin karaoke.
A drinking joint called.... D'Joint.
Drinking games with dice over a low table.
Rainy Night.
No dancing.
I could've been elsewhere having a.... ahem. Well.

Next time I'll know better.
*handcuffs self to Daphne*

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Blue Balls

Daphne and I are the proud owners of a pair of blue balls.
Yup. I said it. Blue balls.


Gayle says: btw, i'm sitting on my ball

Daphne says: show aaron ur ball...bounce him around on it....haha...

Gayle says: hahaha

Gayle says: he can come over lah, i lazy

Gayle says: and i need to shit

Daphne says: hahah...lazy ass...

Daphne says: bounce some more and ur shit will be bouncing around too....

Gayle says: cause it's a yardless day, conga line too good day!





Daphne says: macchiatos are not good for you


Gayle says: that's what sylvia says too
Gayle says: everyone picks on me
Gayle says: i get no love

.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Conk a Collie

Girly maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

(Chiru runs at the girl)
RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP YOUR MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(Dance break)

Woot, I'm coming!
Mutton goes yay!
Cook the chicano's day
Mucho caliente
I'll eat wasabe* on my dude!
All my body just got ruled
Kinda like a fist on road
One more body for your car
Oooo! Oooo! Papa's restaurant
Ooooooooooooooo you'll be pumping Ovaltine
Or Salty Shanty's One-Shot Tea

(Chiru creeps up behind the girl)
Roll, jam, belching, raving son
Mork* and bull and mumued* star

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Vocoder: Please don't buy the bald seal
(Dance break)

Chiru: Move them, Connie
Let me go yay
'Cause it's a yardless day
Conga line too, good day!
Salad is a cargo you could do
Chet's my buddy, Chester Rowe
Called him at the coaster room
Smashing all the people up
It's the child no parka rule
Ooooo laddie, ready, bite your knee
Ooooo conk a collie, conquer he!

(Chiru emerges from the bushes in smoke)
Deal them, peel them, people look shocked
Move, too, then you got private shower

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley* man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Man, man, man, man, man

(Girl screams)


*blink* I didn't make this up. Click me for the music video.

Advanced Riding Skill Level 10

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:16:14 AM)
Baby Rodeo (see also "Buckin' Bronco", "Butt Rodeo", "Fat Chick Rodeo", "Rodeo Clown", "Rodeo Sex") - (for the ladies) When riding your partner who's about to blow his load, give some good pounding strokes. When he's at the point of no return, scream out 'Let's make a baby!'. See how long you can hold on, while he tries to throw you off of his erupting cock. One night stands should only be considered for the more advanced rider.


Gayle says: (3:16:40 AM)
POEAJ'DIJF'PAKDJ

Gayle says: (3:16:42 AM)
HEID'A;

Gayle says: (3:16:44 AM)
HAHAHAHAHAahahaha

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:05 AM)
lol

Gayle says: (3:17:15 AM)
hahah bloody hell

Gayle says: (3:17:18 AM)
I NEED TO BLOG THAT

Gayle says: (3:17:24 AM)
neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:29 AM)
o hell yeah :D

Monday, August 27, 2007

Crash Test Dummy

It all began with a toothache halfway through a dull Friday afternoon. Popping by the pharmacist for a quick fix so that I could concentrate on work for the rest of the afternoon... turned out to be a mistake.

A mistake that swelled completely out of proportion within half an hour of consuming the painkiller and anti-swelling combination prescribed over the counter. As it turns out, I am in fact allergic to the painkiller Ibrufen.

[space saved for picture - coming soon]

Aaron who swiftly ran down to the pharmacy for advice returned saying, "They said sucks to be you. You're allergic. Wait for it to go down." Grrrreat.


So a trip to the family clinic that evening, an injection and a good scold from the family doctor later - and I was passed out on a pink fluffy cloud of chemical induced bliss for the rest of that Friday right through to.... well, Sunday. By which time I looked almost human again and was able to wean myself off the anti-allergy medications.

But then my toothache, which still had not been remedied, began to fill my world with blinding rainbow-coloured pinpricks of pain.

Monday saw me at the dentist's office where good old Dr Eng pronounced me to be too full of wisdom. So to prevent me from becoming unacceptable to my peers *snigger*, proceeded to extract it from my lower right jaw.
A surgical procedure was called for because my wisdom was apparently quite attached to me and stubbornly refused to cooperate with the good doctor.

I would now like to apologise to Dr Eng for mistakenly grabbing his crotch instead of the armrest when he jabbed my puss-filled gums with a needle and enquired ever politely, "pain ah?"

*cough* I think I answered his question rather eloquently without having to utter a sound.


Fast forward 2 hours. With gauze in my mouth, a sick leave certificate for 3 days and another pile of medication in my hand, I was able to stagger to the office for a quick-stop before heading home.

"Oh my god, Mike Tyson!" laughed my brother when he saw me waltzing in like a common punched-up drunk with an incredibly swollen jaw. Needless to say, for the rest of that week, Ian (my older brother by 10 years I should add) would suffer sudden bouts of Tourettes in my presence.

His symptoms included a physical tic which I fondly call his 'spasm-dance' along with a vocal tic that sounded like... "---- Tysen --- Taisen---- Tyson!"


When the doctor insisted that I would really need those 3 days of sick leave, I didn't quite believe him. I ended up taking about 5 days to recover because:

a) The pain was unbelievable on Tuesday & Wednesday. I was popping Voltaren (a superbly strong painkiller), Ponstan (yet another pain killer lasting only 6 hours) and Antibiotics. And when these chemicals were in my bloodstream, I could actually enjoy a few hours of normalcy in the day before I became engulfed by a feeling of dulled exhaustion and the onset of renewed aching.

b) For the night time, half a sleeping tablet ensured a night undisturbed by pain. But completely disturbed by vivid dreams. And an incredible, unexplainable... 'impulse'.

And by the following morning I'd resemble something close to a romping zombie (yeah, romping - not rampaging).


c) By Thursday, my stomach had turned upside down from all the chemicals and incredible nausea had set in along with short bouts of feeling blue.

d) By Friday, I had taken the last round of medication and was looking forward to a drug free weekend. I even felt well enough to paint the town red that night knowing I'd have a commitment free weekend to relax. And the evening was thoroughly enjoyable, marred only by a short period of self-pity that set in after supper. I distinctly remember saying to Daphne in the car, "I wanted to have a girl-talk with you because I really thought it would help me cry and get over it... but I just can't seem to relinquish the control to do it." Bah.

Then on Saturday, while settling in to relax for the weekend, I get a call that Mum's in the hospital emergency unit and Ian's coming to get me. Oh my god. Did not help that nagging fears regarding my parents' advancing age and the fickleness of life were all part of the depressing thoughts that consumed me in my depressive state during the week. I was calm though, self-control ever present & focusing only on what was to be done next.

In the emergency room, Mum seemed to be better and all didn't seem as bad as we thought. I cracked a few jokes with her to cheer her up while we waited. She got admitted for observation and further tests overnight. My brother and sis-in-law left for a prior pressing commitment & I remained with Dad handling minor details like buying toothpaste and magazines. I drove my father home to rest, have dinner and to put together an overnight bag for Mum before having to return to the hospital to deliver it.

I took to my bed for a short nap.
And suddenly, turned into a raving, blithering, weeping idiot.


I began texting friends, making calls. I was trying to find someone who'd be a reassuring & diverting presence on the other end of the phone (and someone who wouldn't be judgmental and think I was a raving loony to boot). The last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts cause I know where that road leads.

Kanineh! Thanks Aaron for being more interested in your dinner than in my distress. "Damn, girl, you gotta get off those painkillers lah" was not particularly helpful. But grudgingly I admit, hilarious in hindsight. Hehe.



And Thank God, I finally found relief with Ravin. Thanks buddy for chatting with me. You joked me out of my ill-humour faster than any therapist could have psycho-analysed me off his couch, and faster than I would have done myself if I'd been left alone to just think.

As it turns out, my week-long chemical romance granted my wish for emotional release.

Crash Test Dummy meet Wall of Unexplicable Emotion. Bam!


Now, just a day later & after plenty of water to cleanse my system, with all traces of extreme emotions having dissolved like so much candy floss... I look back on the past week and marvel at modern medicine. I also seem to have regained just enough eloquence to look back on the past week and utter, "imagine that."

Monday, August 13, 2007

Coming Soon...

There was conversation...

Daphne: "Hey Babe, dunnolah... My Ass Hurts."

*pregnant silence*
*a sudden moment of understanding comes to be*

Aaron: "Damnnnnnn, nigger damnnn!"
Gayle: "Ohmygod babe, please spare us the details."

Daphne: "No no no no no no, that's not what I mean lah. I mean my ass hurts....






but from the back."


Aaron: *confused* "Okay! And my ass hurts from the side."
*sings* "To the left, to the left"

************

There was singing...


Shah, Shah, Shasputin
Lover of a Goblok Queen...
lalalala, lalala, lala... love machine..


************

There is evidence...





All this and more...
in the Chronicles of the Goblok Roadtrip
coming soon to a blog near you.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Gobloktrons

Meet the new breed of Transformers, dedicated to preserving all-you-can-eat buffets.
They are unique in that each one transforms into a Serani, except for Prime Ribs who is "turning Japanese."





PRIME RIBS
Prime Ribs is the heroic leader of the Gobloktrons. She is the personification of courage, strength and determination when confronted with a seafood buffet. Her personal motto is, "Freedom to tuck in is the right of all sentient beings."





HAMMER-HIDE
(with a silent h)

Hammer-hide is the toughest Gobloktron around. More than one Goblok has busted an O-ring just from seeing him lift a cheek. He sees himself as the cold, iron gut backing up Prime's inspiring meal invitations.




SHAZZ
(short for Short-Azz)
Shazz picked his garish hue to match the colour of his one and only tie, which he thinks is the epitome of style. If there's one thing he digs about Earth, it's Blingdians.
His favourite Earthling phrases are, "You Poppadom Rascal" and "I got class."




BUMBLEBEE-STINGS
As a Gobloktron spy, Bumblebee-stings is the worst robot emissary.
What she lacks in tact and diplomacy, she makes up for with massive gazungas.
She enjoys the company of her fellow Gobloks and would do anything for Crab Curry & Fried Mantau despite her allergies to seafood.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Shirley onna Velcro Wall

Once upon a time, in the land of Yahoo Messenger...


*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: BABE!
Gayle Barbosa: babe
Gayle Barbosa: babeh
Gayle Barbosa: babahboobobowoot

* Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: *squint*
Gayle Barbosa: where'd u go
Gayle Barbosa: *checks my pocket*
Gayle Barbosa: not there, hmmmm

*Shirley has logged in.*
*Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: YOU'VE BEEN CHATNAPPED!
Gayle Barbosa: OMG!
Gayle Barbosa: the bastards!
Gayle Barbosa: *faints*

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: I see you! I see you! I'm coming! DO NOT FEAR

* Shirley has logged out*
*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: *grabs onto you and defies the LAGMONSTERS TO TAKE YOU AWAY YET AGAIN*
Gayle Barbosa: ye will nae hae the pleasure of this maiden, ye foul FIENDS!

* Shirley has logged out*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: *stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *stab stab stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *chomps on lagmonster ankle*
Gayle Barbosa: gaaarrrrh nnngaaarrrrrrr aarrbbbbbbb

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: UNHAND HER YOU HAIRY GOAT'S BALLS!!!

* Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: *crickets*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *begins to apply a velcro wall*
Gayle Barbosa: hang on babe, i've got an idea
Gayle Barbosa: *glue glue stick stick* VELCRO
Gayle Barbosa: yaaaarrrr
Gayle Barbosa: *wonders* now how do i get this velcro on her
Gayle Barbosa: *remembers something*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: BABE, PULL DOWN YOUR DRAWERS!!!!!
Gayle Barbosa: AND AIM FOR THE VELCRO WALL!!!!!

*Shirley has logged in.*




*SILENCE*




Gayle Barbosa: did it work? did it work? did it work?

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: darn it
Gayle Barbosa: *spots a flourescent mushroom*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*


Gayle Barbosa: *trots away mesmerized* oooh

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*