Fuckers

*stab*

*stabs juana rempit*

*staaaaaaaaaaaaaaab*

"You have to buy the flower to take a bath"

...is what my Art Director recommends, in broken English today. He suggests I do something about cleansing my run of ill luck. Of course, if you'd read my earlier post - I clearly INTENDED to have shitty things happen to me, and made choices that led to yesterday's events. Or, it was determined by GOD (at the time of the big bang) that I would get robbed of my valuables and the enjoyment of my Double Hot Fudge Sundae at the Green Lane McDonald's outlet on Wednesday the 2nd of August at 4.45pm

Either way, it sucked to be me.
It also sucked to be Aaron and Daphne who were sitting with me when it happened.

Poor Aaron getting kicked in the (I don't know where, hope it wasn't his nads) for his effort in trying to catch the dudes on the run. And boy did he run, fast and a far distance... halfway down the main road beside Penang Free School to be exact. All he got for his effort was a defiant middle finger.

Thanks Aaron for being such a bloody sport! Peeps, let me tell you about him. Aaron aka Capes didn't even think - running after the two Juans on their metallic maroon, Yamaha (we suspect) motorbike (Plate Number KCA 7073) was his immediate and instinctive reaction.

And if I didn't have reason enough to love my cousin to bits - that alone makes me want to will beloved Chigger to him when I die.

*Although really boy, if they'd had a knife and hurt you in any way I would've never forgiven either of us. But I still love you for knowing what might happen and doing it anyway.*

And thanks Daphne for bearing me company all the hours afterwards - taking me to the various police stations, making me laugh, doing the whole Malay-English translation thing with Sergeant Md Isa of Team B, who thankfully didn't try to flirt with you (unlike Sgt. Zulkifli was it?). My recently acquired Malay proficiency refresher course was no help in that time of stress. If only I had written an essay about exotic dancing, I would've known that 'riba' is the Malay word for lap.

Thanks also Daphne for pointing at me without hesitation when the Corporal asked if you were the Filipina, right after he'd grabbed that Bangla and thrown him in the lockup on suspicion of being an illegal immigrant. *squint*

And to Ian, who graciously guarded my car at McDonald's for a couple of hours despite a blinding pain in the ass (literally) - no words can describe my gratefulness at having you for my only brother. If I was ever given a chance to choose, I would choose you.

To Amran, who was my brother's relief on vehicular guard duty (cause he had to go lie down by this time) - thanks also for what must have been a boring few hours. And then for running around to get my spare keys for me. Thanks for being such a buddy!

To Edgar, who showed up and drove Aaron & Daphne back to their cars, "like bloody Tokyo drift, man" - thanks for helping out as always.

Thanks also for the concern & well wishes from the rest of you. It means a lot to me that you care. Especially Rommel, who just suggested I play a bit of NationStates for the express purpose of creating citizens, naming them Juans, and then oppressing the hell out of them. (Which is ironic cause Rommel is a juan, or semi-juan, or pseudo-juan... whatever)

As for me, I just hope that those dudes who rode away with about a thousand bucks of my cash, shoot up with enough crack to kill themselves so we can be rid of them finally - or that by some stroke of strange luck, that they choke on my super absorbant tampons.

I should also add, no thanks go out at ALL to the management of McDonald's who confessed that snatch theft happens at their outlet every week (indoor and outdoor), and so it really depends on whose luck it is to get hit - like a non-lottery. And as my luck should have it, hours after the crime... at exactly the same spot... a drink gets spilled all over me, my lighter refuses to work, Daphne's phone and mine start acting strangely... and we both go "hmmmm...". At which point, she suggests I drive home slowly and lie in bed without moving until the next day. And I thought, 'with my luck, I'd still probably get a leg cramp or something.'


PS: If you do happen to see a motorbike with the plates KCA 7073, please make sure it isn't an RXZ (or was it an EX5?) before you decide to ram it down. For I am almost certain that God's Will doesn't include an early death by accident for that poor Juan in Perlis whose plates got stolen.


Now if you will excuse me, my Godma passed away this morning. And I need to look into taking a flower bath.