Friday, May 27, 2005

A gay dinner...

While we were lounging around at 'Homey' (scroll down to find out what Homey is)... Mom says that Bona (my aunt) has invited ___ and myself back home for dinner on Friday night being held for Tony and Peter.

Tony is my gay cousin who lives half the year in England and the other half in Spain. Peter is his partner/husband.

Diane messages me and says, "Oooh.... it's a gay vs gay dinner. DRAMA!"

Yeah. *snort*

I can't wait either.

The Theory of the Tesco Couple

When a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to hear it, does it still make a sound?
Of course it does.

But when a Tesco couple is alone, and there are no witnesses to their shenanigans, do they still behave like a Tesco couple?

___ and I were heading to the car in the carpark. On the way, something got into us... she started running and I started chasing after her. She got into the car and locked me out. I jumped on the hood.

She drove off... with me there... sitting on the hood like a bargain basement hood ornament from Cosplus.

Soon though, we saw lights of another car coming into the carpark. She stopped, I jumped off, she let me in. And we continued our day as normal, giggling like 2 year olds in the car.

Now when I go to Tesco, I look around.... and I wonder....

Cool It With the Kacang Already

I was just reminiscing the months past... in the days of courting for ___ and I. One particular moment remains vividly in my memory. Let me set the scene.

We're at Sohos. I'm standing in the corner by the railing, watching the pool game. She's sitting on the platform, on the other side of the railing. There was Kacang on the table, I wanted some. She shelled a couple for me, and I was grateful.

Crunch crunch crunch... "Nice shot!"

She hands me more Kacang. Oh, how nice, thanks again.

Crunch crunch crunch....

As the night goes on, I feel my jaws begin to ache with all the crunching and my mouth getting dry. "What's with ___ and the kacang?"I think to myself. Turning to look at her... there she is, furiously shelling Kacang after Kacang... and plops a whole BLOODY HANDFUL into my hands. WHO EATS KACANG LIKE THAT? BUT!

I had no heart to tell her to stop. She looked like a person on a quest. Like a knight in the crusade.

A dear friend, Woon Wee... a bystander to the sordid event... turns to look at us... and shakes his head. I grin. ___ shells more kacang.


So Aja says to me, "Hey babe, I think he's Indian?"

I say, "Really? I think he's ______. What makes you think he's Indian?

"Cos in his email, he said DEY," blink blink.

"Riiiight..." says I, gently removing the Coffee Bean double coffee from her twitching grasp.


Just as we arrived at Ian and Diane's apartment... ___ went off in search of Diane, eager to begin a war of wits. She saw her in the spare room, back turned to ___... painting the wall.

"Oi! Ipoh is a deadtown!" She sniggers loudly.

No response from Diane. STRANGE. She always jumps to the bait.

Well, not so strange. See... it wasn't Diane whom ___ was talking to.

SNIGGERS from the rest of the family! MUAH AHHAAH

Pooor ___. Nice try. Diane is a formidable opponent even when she is NOT there. HARHARHAR

The Offering of the Coffee

Went over to Ian and Diane's new apartment the other day, to visit Mum, Dad and Ian... as well as to provide whatever help they wanted with renovating the place. Turns out they just wanted to be fed... like true Bangladeshi workers.

Homey looked great. Yeah, the apartment has a name too... Homey. It's an african-american apartment. *?* KEWL

Anyway, there we were sitting on the floor digging into our Nasi Kandar... with ___ helping to distribute food she bought for my family. No description necessary. NK is NK... and simply delish.

Mom made coffee. I took a sip from Mom's cup. Then she offered HER CUP and said, "Ask ___ if she wants some?"

WHEEEEE *ding ding* OFFICIAL MILESTONE #2 of the (___)-Mom relationship!

I was GRINNING from ear to bloody ear. South Park fans would think I'd suddenly turned Canadian.

My Baby's Love Affair

Yes, ___ is having an affair... and not behind my back either! The other day at the movies, I caught her winking.... at my LEFT BOOB!!!

I turned away confused, pretending it didn't happen. She did the same. And then she asked, "You saw me wink at your left breast?"

"Yeah! What's up with that?" I replied

She shrugged, "I dunno. Just felt like doing it."


So I've decided that my left breast has earned its status as an individual entity. It's name is Chigger.

Friday, May 20, 2005

i don't care what u say, that's funny right there

Me : Why did the guy with one arm cross the road?

Sylvia : He left his arm behind?

Me : To go to the SECOND HAND STORE.

Sylvia : >.<

Sylvia : Have you had coffee yet?


Call Me Ransom

Me : I actually spoke to a girl today by the name of RAIN

Me : Her 'english' name kononnya.

Me : Fucking rain

Me : She sounds like a goddamned downpour she's so BLUR

Friend: well, there's some in my contact list that's called Windy Wu and another called Ransome So.

Friend: my colleague said, maybe he wanted to be called Hansome but don't want to be so outright


Privacy not protected. If you're gonna choose the name... you're gonna have ta pay the price.

World's Stupidest First Names

So yeah... I call up this college where I took my SBP DIPLOMA IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, because the legitimacy of the diploma came into question while applying to pursue a degree in Education.


UNITAR has my certificates. They're in the INDUSTRY.
If they don't bloody understand the programme - you know which college I studied at.
You've got all the connections.

No. They send me a postcard... but that's not the reason why I'm writing this blog.

I'm writing this blog because the coordinator at the college where I'm studying at has a first name - her English name, I'm informed by the girl who's answering the phone... is Rain.

Yes. "What's her name?"

"Ms Rain"

"What's her full name?"

"Ms Rain. Her English name."

"That's her ONLY name? Does she have any other name to go with that name?"

"Ms Rain xxxxxx" (for privacy purposes)

So yeah, I spoke to Ms Rain...

... but really honey, you sound like a goddamned Downpour.


Yes indeedy. I'm gonna follow in Jobe's blogsteps and post a

*rant warning*

First off... I get a second postcard from UNITAR saying my application is incomplete and would I please send my full diploma transcripts.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE - those ARE my FULL **** transcripts. And if they don't fit your criteria then bloody hell come to a decision about what to do next... providing what you decide to do next, is not to SEND ME ANOTHER BLOODY POSTCARD!!!

Or is UNITAR short for UNIversity of reTARds!

Why am I even applying to you?!!

*sigh* Because you hold a monopoly in the subject I want to take. DAMNIT
Which, *IRONY* is a Bachelor's Degree in EDUCATION.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

Sixty Five


That's how much I weigh now.
I've gone past the 60 milestone for the very first time.


Here, let me wave my arms. Do you feel the breeze?

Penang Drivers are Insane

Quite a few of them deserve to be shot.

It doesn't help that I'm PMS'ing.

The other day... this woman was driving TOTALLY on the wrong side of the road... cutting all the cars in her lane.

I could've avoided her.

But I chose to drive straight AT her.

She was freaked and looked a little annoyed.

I... realised I was PMSing.


Yes, you heard me right.

I think I'd rather have a shotgun.

To match the car.

About HIV

So yeah, did a pro-bono emceeing stint at a World Aids Day Candlelight Memorial thing recently. My FIRST emceeing stint, I might add. It was cool... not much to do except read from the script.

It was awesome to meet Becki though. She's the first person I've met who's living with HIV... she came up and told her story. I was so touched, I had to hug her.

Do you know what she's had to go through???
Even in the HOSPITAL where the medical personnel are supposed to be trained to handle AIDs patients, Becki was ostracised and discriminated against. They told everyone she had HIV, to stay away from her. They put her in an area away from everyone else and she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. They wouldn't help her. They treated her hatefully... like she was a stray dog!

But LOOK PEOPLE! She didn't ask for this! Her only crime was to be married to the person who infected her!

I mean JESUS!

The small-mindedness of some people really make me sick.

Now I really want a shot gun.

Drunk Again

Thanks Jennifer for an awesome party!
Hope your Dad didn't mind the noise.
Your toilet was awesomely huge too. I would've been proud to have gotten lost in that one.
But no, it didn't come to that.

Edgar - give us those pix won't you?

Readers... we now have an updated photo... a real-time, side-by-side comparison... of (___).. and the Yew!

Waiiit for it...

Alien Number 1... Resigned

Alien Number One has been recalled to her spaceship.
Some of you may know whom I speak of... the alien... the scanner... in the scanning department.

farethewell Number One.
We shall miss your googly eyes.

*sniff* i didn't even get to know your name!!!!

An Ode to Aja's Cheongsam


This is supposed to be an ode
but I think I've had too much coffee today.


Zum Zum

So yeah, I bought a car. Forgot to mention that earlier.
Traded in the shy car for a Kenari... lovely and spacious. 2nd hand of course, and I'm sharing it with a friend... otherwise mesa cannotsa afforditsa.

What colour you ask?

And it's name is Zum Zum.

On Friday last week (was it Friday?) Zum Zum... was injured. Worse than injured. MAIMED even! She lost a limb... while traveling down... a long and lonesome road.... we heard a sound, and there, in the middle... of the road... was our exhaust pipe.

Okay maybe not that dramatic. The exhaust broke in the middle... at bloody 8am in the Free Trade Zone. So there we were dragging the exhaust pipe along the road looking for car-dudes to fix the dang car.

To cut a long story short. We got it sorted. Cost us RM175.

But now Zum Zum is whole again. I try to hug her as often as I can to erase her memory of the ordeal.

And now, I desperately seek ... Winnie the Pooh cushions or cushion covers for the backseat.

We already have the Winnie the Pooh car fragrance.

*manic grin*

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Parent Conundrum

I'm proud to introduce my darling to everyone I know. But I am not without expectations of my own. I want to be introduced to her parents and those close to her, not as a friend, but as that someone special.

I'm not pushing the subject, for now. But eventually, I want the relationship that we have, the status that I have in her life, to be made known. I don't want to someday find myself excluded in something very important, maybe even life changing, due to an oversight such as this.

I understand the reality of it though. And I will be patient... for as long as I see that the situation is being addressed. And that we are moving on in our lives, together.

And so I am very happy that we've agreed on a resolution, and come up with a plan. To be introduced as a friend in a gathering of other friends. It's something, and it's a start. I'm excited about where it will continue to take us.

Why am I writing something of such a personal nature here? This blog of mine has had a great impact on my life in many ways. I'm a person who's outwardly extrovert, yet tends to prefer to avoid conflict... and to keep my true feelings locked up inside. It's not healthy, and I've suffered its side-effects in previous relationships.

This blog helps to keep me real. By revealing myself to other readers, I've found an incredible freedom. It's a reaffirmation of my being. There is no shame in being who I am, in facing the problems that I face, in feeling the things that I feel, in wanting and needing the things that I want or need.

In later years, I may look back on this journal of my life and be reminded of the small triumphs that made me who I am. On the other hand, I may also wonder, "What the heck was I thinking. " But should I feel that way, I will also know that the journey was necessary in the making of Gayle as a complete person. Perhaps only when we reach our destination, will we understand the trials of the journey.

LORNA, I know you're reading this

Like a thief in the night
She stays outta sight
She's a rose with no thorns
And she knows what goes on

My blog, she reads weekly
And she thinks, very deeply
All the things I have said
All the things she has read

But tell me, is the attraction
Really just in the section
With the secrets to satisfaction?
Does it drive you to distraction?


Maybe now you'll consent
To finally leave a comment
On my blog so I can see
What you think of my poetry!


Byeeee 'ana!

iPod myPOD

This is the greatest and best poem in the world... TRIBUTE... to AJA

She comes back from her holiday,
All tanned, shiny and gay,
I tell her about my iPOD
And she's like... NO WAY

"Please, Please can I have one too?"
"Tell ___, I'll be true"
"I'll paint my toenails blue"
"I'll stick to her like glue"

No babe, I'm sorry to say
She's just not into you that way
Besides, I know you're not gay
So yeah... No Way

But I'll play the songs you like to hear
And I'll cry with you when you feel a tear
appear because you don't have the gear
to listen to cool songs (1,500) from ear to ear

Not like I can
when I'm in a jam
or even when I'm
dumping in the can.


Tenacious D... and their new MOVIE!!!!

Dudes, I'm STOKED!

The fucking awesome Tenacious D comprising superstar comedian Jack Black (from School of Rock fame) and Kyle Gass (otherwise known as KG or the Kage) have almost finished the script for their new movie, "Tenacious D in : The Pick of Destiny" to be directed by Liam Lynch (also the Director of the music video for Tribute) and produced by Ben Stiller's Red Hour Films and Working Title Films.

Expect a WHOLE NEW soundtrack from the guys who brought us such memorable songs as Fuck Her Softly, Rock Your Socks Off, Wonderboy, Karate and Kielbasa Sausage. One wonders if they will be lucky enough to stumble upon yet another great rock invention like Inward Singing or if they will dispense even more fitness advice akin to their previous Cock Pushups.

Who else is acting in the movie besides JB and Kage the Rage? Why, their number one fan of course... Lee (not his real name). It is also rumoured that there will be cameos by Meatloaf (slotted to play Jack Black's Father), Ben Stiller and many others.

For more tenacious tidbits, click the link above. The site also includes games and downloads for tenacious fans of The D.

There Shined a Shiny Demon

Egads! I didn't know they glowed. Posted by Hello

More Mother's Day Luncheon

My sis-in-law, Diane and I at Sarkies Corner for Mother's Day Luncheon. Look at those loovely pasties behind us... *smack smack*Posted by Hello

Mother's Day with the Capel and Barbosa clan

My brother, Ian and I at Mother's Day Lunch at Sarkies Corner, E&O Hotel, Penang. Check out my new permed hair-do... you likey-likey? Posted by Hello