Mental Masturbation over My Moving

After 28 years of being tied to mommy's apron strings, I'm finally moving out of the house and moving in with my baby.

Although come to think of it, I'm not really moving in or out of anything... just spreading myself to two places.

After all... I do have 28 YEARS WORTH OF CRAP stored lovingly in that sunless void that's situated in the middle of my house, which I call my room. Don't get me wrong. It's not a windowless airless hole. It has windows. They open to the kitchen.

But I digress...

I love my home... even more so when I spend most of my time away from it.
I look forward to going back periodically to spend quality time with 'the elders'.
To listen to how Nan still holds conversations in a realm all her own.

Ian: "Did you go to the hospital today Nan?"
Nan: "Yeah, I've had my dinner thanks. Would you like some crumbs?"
Ian: "No thanks because the [empty silence with only mouth movements for effect] aliens came to [mouthing only] and take your medicine."

To look at my room nostalgically - painted in fuchsia and sexually frustrated purple; for a sense of depth (to the room, not its occupant) - and filled to the brim with winnie the pooh collectibles.

I can't possibly cart all my stuff over. Where would I start? And besides, I want to leave the memory of me behind... not ERASE the evidence of my presence. 28 years is a lot to give up.

And yet I'm happy. EXCITED.

"Do you think it's too soon? You're still in the honeymoon phase," Aja asked.

"No," I replied lightly.

What I really meant by that one word reply was this... "Is it too soon? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Is anything ever too soon? Is anything ever too late? When is that perfect point in time when you just KNOW? Maybe next time in hindsight I might look back and say it was too soon. But then again, I may not. Note to self, you're mentally masturbating again Gayle. stopit."

"No," I repeated once more and because I felt it had to be qualified, I added "X and I were in the honeymoon phase for the better part of 4 years." *shrugs*

I'm EXCITED. I'm happy. I'm nervous. I'm worried. I'm determined to succeed. I'm worried about failing. I'm so many things all at once... and that's normal for me. I've learned to accept and even EMBRACE the fucked up way in which my mind tends to wander. To put it all aside then say "oh what the fuck, i'll do it anyway."

I'm gonna be myself. I'm gonna stand my ground. I'm gonna ask for 'me' space.

Not enquire if it were possible, if it weren't too much trouble, if it weren't trespassing and if there were no previous plans for that room if I may please have a little space for me and I feel bad to ask cause it's really your place and I don't wanna make it seem like I'm encroaching or using you or anything so you know I really just wann be humble about this so how? >.< *blink blink*

I can be such a loser sometimes. We're in this together, and yet sometimes, because I don't want to be a burden, I pretend that there are some things I can really do without, even when I know there's no reason that should be so.


I know ___ doesn't want me to do without.
*chuckle* So baby... 'me' space please? For whatever I feel like putting in it.
Even if it's an igloo.